2 weeks.

I can't even believe I leave in two weeks. My flight leaves Portland at 1 o'clock on February 10th. That is ridiculously soon! My mind has been very distracted the last few days due to my mom being extremely ill with meningitis and in the hospital. I'm pretty behind on packing and getting the things I need, but life happens and family is a priority. I'm so thankful for all the people who have been praying for my mom. I am a strong believer that prayer can be very powerful and I am so blessed with people in my life who are so willing to pray for my family. I think it made a big difference.

Despite the craziness that has been going on this week I have so much to be thankful for, especially financially. I was so concerned about money the beginning of December. No matter how I calculated it I kept coming up really short for the trip. I was so worried I wouldn't have enough money so I started working 60 hour weeks to try to make up the difference. But alas, God started pulling some strings and providing for me. The school in Australia (who refused to allow me to pay tuition in two payments) randomly sent me an email allowing me to do so, my scholarship pushed some money forward so I wouldn't arrive in Australia empty handed, and a couple amazingly generous people have surprised me with contributions to my trip. This just makes me realize how much I need to trust God and stop relying solely on myself. God won't necessarily provide for you directly, but he sure will indirectly, through other people.

Well, I'll be moving out of my apartment this weekend and then I have three more days left at work. I really like working at Fran's but it will be nice to move on. It's very bittersweet. I think I will miss the regular customers the most. I've worked there for two years and I've grown to love quite a few customers there. It'll be hard not seeing Craig and Janet on Monday nights, Cheryl most every night, talking to Bill while I make his ridiculously hot latte, seeing the cute couples that come in regularly, and all the other familiar, friendly faces that made working long shifts so much easier. I will also miss my girls so much. My co-worker, and good friend Eva is throwing me a going away party this Sunday which will be really fun. It'll be nice to have one last day with all the girls. I feel like time is running out so quickly and I have so many people I want to spend time with before I leave! I really hope I get to see everyone I want to see!

I love. I hate.

Just in case you were wondering...

I love:

-reading other people's blogs
-acoustic versions of songs that I already love
-Willamette Valley Riesling/Oregon Blossom
-being surprised
-getting mail
-Jim Halpert
-cute product packaging
-being crafty and doing small art projects
-sewing
-talking for hours on the phone with someone without awkward silences
-getting my hair cut
-white chocolate mochas
-inspirational/love quotes
-speaking Spanish
-fresh pineapple
-everything about weddings
-decorating on a low budget
-sleeping in
-massages
-peacock feathers
-basset hounds
-simplicity
-down comforters
-Tilamook cheese
-my future husband who has yet to walk into my life
-freshly laundered bedding
-showering
-when my house smells good
-chick flicks
-newborn babies
-rain in the summer
-Jordan almonds
-fireplaces
-cuddling
-cooking delicious and of course unhealthy food
-big purses that carry everything I need
-buying gifts for other people
-my mac
-really long, strong hugs
-water bottles
-making lists
-games (board, card, strategy, etc.)
-candles
-buying t-shirt to support good causes
-watching movies while laying in bed
-my mole on my cheek
-throw blankets
-reading self-help books
-getting a big paycheck and knowing the I earned all of it myself
-cheesecake
-flip flops
-that I'm going to living in Australia in a month

I hate:

-unloading the dishwasher
-wet socks
-pancakes
-being so accident/illness prone
-having sticky skin
-self-centered people
-olives
-weak handshakes
-being interrupted (though I know I interrupt a lot)
-watching what I eat
-being cold
-slow walkers/drivers
-canned pineapple
-when people chew with their mouth open
-being in class longer than an hour
-when artists try to cover an already perfect song
-what Christmas trees do to my nose
-guys who control their girlfriends
-licorice
-exercising
-chihuahuas
-canker sores
-going out of the house without a shower
-painting my own nails
-being wrong
-anything with wings (including butterflies!)
-rude people
-washing my face before I go to bed
-when I lose my train of thought
-when people don't tell the whole truth and think that it's not lying
-that I can't seem to quit biting my poor nails

No turning back

It's official: I purchased my plane ticket to Australia. It was $1500 and non refundable... so there's NO turning back. But, I don't think I could be any more excited than I am right now. I don't think this trip could come at a better time. I am in desperate need from a break from life here and a chance to move on from a lot of my past. 2009 was a year filled with disappointment and serious heartbreak so I'm glad I get to (basically) start 2010 in a new place. New people, new school, new surroundings, new beginnings. I'm so ridiculously excited. I realized the other day that I'm surprisingly not nervous. Which is strange for me because I'm usually a nervous wreck. My boss asked me if I was nervous and it took me a second to respond and after thinking about it I said "Actually no, I'm not." I think that I'm just too excited to be nervous. I'll probably be nervous on the 15 hour flight from San Fransisco to Sydney! But other than that, I couldn't be more thrilled!

I leave February 10th... a month from this Sunday. I can't believe how much I have to do by then! I have so much to get organized, appointments to make, an apartment to pack up, and things to buy. Not to mention, I'm working a ton... which is wonderful but doesn't leave a ton of time for me to accomplish everything I need to. I'm not too worried though, I know I'll get everything done.

P.S. I'm going to be going from this freezing. rainy Oregon weather to ridiculously sunny, 90 degree weather!

Confidence

Yesterday was a bad day that turned into a good night. I needed a dress for the New Years Eve party I was attending and much to my dismay... none of my dresses fit anymore. I guess you don't really realize weight gain that's very gradual but I could definitely tell yesterday. I made a trip to Ross to find an inexpensive dress and was nothing but disappointed. Nothing seemed to fit right and the dresses that did fit, didn't flatter me at all. I just felt like an overweight glob of grease. I popped into Maurices to see if I could find anything and I did find a dress that unfortunately was $44. I somehow justified buying it and made my way home. My mom called me and asked how I was and I just started crying. I told her how terrible I felt about my body and how mad I was at myself for letting myself gain weight. She reminded me that it's been a hard year for me and although it is quite the uphill battle, I can lose the weight. I felt a little better but still did not feel very great until I went to the party. I forgot about what had happened earlier and just had a good time. I was having a side conversation with a friend and I had mentioned my weight gain and how unhappy I was with my body. She proceeded to tell me that she didn't (nor did anyone else) even notice I gained weight because I was so confident with who I was. Although I don't feel very confident on the inside I know that I act like it on the outside. I guess it just got me thinking that confidence really is everything. Whether you act like you're just as good or not as good as every other person in that room, people truely believe it.

I found this quote and realized how true it is for me and so many people I know...

"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are." -Malcolm S. Forbes

So... NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: To stop overvaluing what I'm not and stop undervaluing what I am.